Struggling to find my voice in 2016

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Last year wasn’t the greatest year for me personally. I have been struggling with an ongoing health issue with fatigue being a major symptom. But it was the year I got serious about my writing. I launched my blog after being asked to be featured in Witty Title Here weekly newsletter. I had spent most of 2015 researching blogging and author platforms and did the Australian Writers Centre’s Build Your Author Platform Course at the start of 2016.

However, my vision for my blog stalled in September. I wanted do be able to do in-depth analysis weekly, but I struggled. Despite doing social media as my day job, my author social media was basic at best and still is at the moment.

Then I decided to do NaNoWriMo despite going through a major health crisis. I won, but it took everything I had.

I spent December exhausted and desperate for holidays. I finally got a reprieve between Christmas and New Year which I spent at the beach and playing video games. I’m still struggling with my health and trying to balance full-time work, writing, fitness and blogging. It feels like far too much at the moment, but I am still slogging on. I’m still trying to work out what I want for my blog but luckily for me on 10 people read it so I can experiment.

My primary goal for 2017 is to cultivate healthy habits so I can find balance in my life to be able to be the writer I want to be.

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20,000 words in 12 days

Because it’s not about how fast you run the race, it’s about finishing it.

In the last 12 days, I’ve written over 20,000 words. But I let myself down on Thursday and wrote absolutely nothing. But instead of scolding myself for not writing, I’m treating myself with care. I didn’t write my 1667 words yesterday but I did write something and today was the same. Tomorrow I’ll probably write more. I knew this week was going to be hard as it is a busy time of year for me at work and it proved to be not as horrible as I thought.

I expected NaNoWriMo to be like when I first ran 10km. The first kilometre is exciting and fast as you run together in a group. You run faster as you’re excited about being with all these other people. Then you realise you can’t keep up the same pace the whole way. You need to slow down and feel dejected. As people run past you in the next few kilometres you feel bummed and feel slow. You’re not sure why you decided to do this. Maybe you should just walk as you’re not jogging very fast.

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But then you hit the halfway mark and you suddenly feel your energies rising again. You can do this. You get into a good pace that you maintain until the last kilometre. Then you pick up the pace. Then you sprint as you hit the 500-meter mark and as you cross the finish line you’re exhausted, hurting and bursting with pride that you managed to finish much faster than you thought.

 

Right now I’m finding my pace to get me through the next 22,000 words without tearing my hair out or injuring myself. I’m finding that I write between 500 – 800 words in the morning and the same at night. However, the time it takes to get there varies. Sometimes I write for 45 minutes in the morning and an hour at night. Sometimes, I write for 2 hours at night to get to the same point.

And sometimes, like Thursday I do nothing because I am so exhausted I just need to sleep. When I first had to slow down and walk during my first 10km run I felt so dejected as it was so early on in the race. But then I realised, it was okay to take a breather. I would tell myself, you can walk to that tree then you need to start jogging again. And so there were times I walked during my first run. In my second 10km run a year later, I needed to walk less but if you’re body needs a breather, give it a breather. But don’t confuse give yourself too long of a break. Just enough of a break so you can get to the next milestone.

 

I have had my break and now I’m determined to get to the halfway point by next week. I’m sure there will be another break as I approach the 35,000-word mark and maybe again. But I know I have two days off at the end of November in which I will probably sprint the last 10,000 words. Maybe I’ll just scrap the 50,000 or maybe I’ll exceed it.

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But whatever happens. I will get to the finish line in my own time. Because it’s not about how fast you run the race, it’s about finishing it.